Those Strange Years
by Claire Whitmore
Summary: Life doesn't treat you fairly when Lord Voldemort's advances means that you can't trust anyone, sometimes not even yourself. After a student at Hogwarts was attacked and hospitalized by an unknown attacker, Lily Evans soon learns that she needs to decipher the mysteries surrounding those closest to her. The only thing is, you can't trust anyone when no one trusts you.
1. Errands To Run And A Feast

**A/N This isn't a part of my drabble fic, "A Literal Scrapbook", some of the stuff here was inspired by that though. That bit isn't important. What is important that this will be at least until the end of the Marauder's schooling.**

**I'll try to update as soon as possible, though I promise nothing.**

**Thanks to my friend, Kira, for making sure I don't kill you all with my lack of grammar.**

**This will have a tad of swearing, a dollop of snogging, references to shagging and will have eventual James and Lily, with Sirius and Remus.**

This would be, first and foremost, a love story. That sentence is too overused; love and the consequences of the matter cannot be summarized like that. It simply cannot. To fall in love takes time, it breaks a man down and can build him up. It's the cause of wars; it's the solution to wars. It takes so much time-you could be dragging your feet across the ground, wondering when this strange and unfamiliar concept will happen to you. Then, out of nowhere, you'll find yourself drowning in it and struggling to get a gasp of air.

Some see it as a disease or an illness. Some resent it and even loathe being that vulnerable to another person, as their equal. Some will run for years from it, and then eventually give up in the very face of it and collapse; while others will be out till all sorts of hours looking for it.

But the sole purpose of being alive isn't to fall in love with some charming man; it's so much more than that. Of course, being in love is a side-effect of living, a by-product of being human, but the fact remains that being in love is only one side-effect, there are far more extras in life than just love.

That's what James and Lily learnt, as did Remus and Sirius.

Because, after all, there are far worse and better things in life to savour than just love.

They just didn't know it yet. None of them did.

I lied. This isn't really a love story at all.

**Chapter One**

**"Errands To Run And A Feast"**

**September 1ST, 1975.**

**HOGWARTS EXPRESS**

"Why're you so glad?" asked Mary, her face twisted between the gloom of not quite yet being the eldest year level at Hogwarts (or was it something completely different?) and a smirk of that was thanks to Lily fluttering her gaze momentarily from her book to James Potter as he –quite rowdily- made his way off the train and onto the platform.

"I'm just glad to be back," said Lily, her eyes now in a far off place where she dreamed of the wondrous year ahead, free of the burdens and troubles she dealt with back in Surrey. "This year will be different," she promised.

Not good or even better. Just different. That's just what Lily wished for most.

Difference.

Lily isn't unlike many other teenagers her age either.

They're in sixth year now, this meant a year free of those darn OWL examinations (something Lily could do without), but it was to also be a year without Lily's former closest and best friend, Severus Snape (someone she regretfully would and had to do without).

Lily shook her head, suggesting that merely thinking of him was outrageous and ridiculous.

He had hurt her: she knew that and he knew that. He was different now, and most certainly not the Severus she had known and practically loved. She had made too many excuses for him time and time again, and she knew that. She really did. She seemed to resent a little, though, the idea of never being able to laugh or talk with him like she used to.

They did have a good friendship, the sort that you could have easily had in fifty years from now and it still be as easy as it was when they were fifteen, fourteen, nine years old. The sort of friendship that those clichéd scrapbooks were filled with and based on. The ones with faded and sun stained pictures that are full of smiles. Friendships like that were half the reason living was as enjoyable as it was. It's a comforting thing to know that even if everything else in your life is falling apart like a soggy newspaper, you'll still have that one person you can rely on to talk to and to make you laugh.

But that was over now: he had ruined it all himself, and Lily just confirmed it.

Just keep calm Lily, keep a clear and strong face, and do not show mercy, whatever you do.

Mary laughed. "You sound like a protagonist in a really bad individually made film about a bunch of Muggles in high school."

"Oh, shut up." Lily rolled her eyes.

"_This year _will_ be different," _mocked Mary teasingly. "_I will kiss the darling of the school and be popular and have oh too many sleepovers and sneak out of my dorm and get up to all sorts of tomfoolery! Oh, dear Diary, I will be marvellous and extraordinary."_

"I don't do that!"

"Yes, you do. I read your diary last year, in November. I know all the clichés you use in that thing," grinned Mary. "'And when his lips met mine it felt as if I were flying'? _Really?_"

"I was fourteen." Lily tried to find a half decent excuse. "Don't even get me started on what you were doing when you were fourteen." Lily muttered.

"I'm not ashamed of it. Friends with benefit relationships are awesome. We started on as friends, we fucked as friends and we broke up as friends." Mary's blonde curls bounced around the nape of her neck as she talked. "There really aren't any cons to that situation."

"I can think of a few. And you shagged Sirius Black for crying out loud. _Sirius Black._"

"Like I said; I'm not ashamed of it."

"You were fourteen!" whispered Lily in a horrified voice.

"Oh, don't mother me, Evans." Mary's face fell, suddenly the fact that her own mum had been killed by parading Death Eaters in the past summer resurfaced after drowning for an hour. She was only just being able to get up in the mornings in that empty house without crying before breakfast. After breakfast, however, was when each piece that she had so valiantly picked up and placed back in order fell back to the ground and when she let the tears roll down her cheeks once more.

A lump rose in both of the girls throats.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Lily was quite fond of Mrs MacDonald. "Dumbledore did say that you can just catch up later or do some work at home until you feel ready to come back."

"Nah." Mary tried to sound casual, trying to blanket over her welling tears. She was trying to sound as if she was talking about the weather. "Too many memories at home and she's never been to Hogwarts, being a Muggle and all, so it'll be easier." She reassured.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," she nodded. "We'd better get off the train, it stopped ages ago. We might have to go back to London." She always did a good job at changing the subject. That, and finding out gossip.

Both Lily and Mary cringed at the thought.

And, with no further notice, Lily plucked her cat, Morphus, from the upholstery. She gathered her shoulder bag, as did Mary, and they both hurriedly walked off the train, the Hogwarts uniform iconic black cloaks dancing at their heels, as they made their way onto the last remaining carriage.

**DORMS**

James was not going to the Welcoming Feast.

Sirius was not going to the Welcoming Feast.

They had other plans.

"We need to fix the map," James said, the self-appointed guardian of the Marauder's Map through the entire summer holidays. "It's not showing the third floor quite right, it's upside down and it keeps on playing up."

"What were you doing looking at the third floor in the holidays, oh Amateur Stalker?" Sirius whispered back.

"Just making sure that the thing wasn't broken after Peter sat on it on the train home, oh Snuck Out of Home," James said defensively.

"Sure sure, I see how you'd be worried for the Map, and I _ran away_, it would have worked if that woman didn't catch me." Sirius began to raise his voice. "Peter's arse is pretty big after all."

The 'woman' was Sirius's pretentious mother.

"Oi!" Peter yelped.

"Sorry mate didn't see you there." Sirius said sarcastically. "Seriously though Prongs, I doubt Worm's butt will ruin the Map. It's not that fragile."

"Well, regardless it's a bit messed up." James said. "We're going to skip dinner to fix it."

"I'm not." Remus said. "I'm a Prefect and I can't miss the Welcoming Feast, McGonagall will skin me if I did."

Darn Remus being a Prefect; it makes rule-breaking a tad harder in some respects. In other ways, it helped a little too much than one would expect. Teachers trust him a lot more now, and even encourage him to be around James and Sirius to try and be a good influence on them both.

In all there five years and soon to be six at Hogwarts, Remus has never been a good influence over James and Sirius. Or Peter.

Or any sort of influence for that matter.

"Sirius will," James decided. That was the perks of having a best friend- you're allowed (and usually right) to force them to do things. "Won't you?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Sirius said, a bit disheartened.

"What about me?" Peter said, longing to be a part of the plans.

"Er…" James met his eyes with Sirius's, whose facial expression highly suggested that Peter should be kept away from the Map for a long time after the sitting-on incident.

"It's really just a two person job, Pete," Sirius said. "If there were three, it would become overcrowded and stuff."

"Sirius, you're making it sound as if you have a problem against orgies," Remus shook his head.

"For the record I have nothing against orgies, you can quote me on that." Sirius grinned. "Speaking of, here comes MacDonald with-"

"-Lily _Evans_," James finished, sighing slightly. He ran his fingers through his hair several times and loosened his tie.

**CARRIAGE TIME**

"Oh, great," muttered Lily under her breath, and not even Mary, who was standing dumbfounded next to her, could hear, or she chose not to hear. One of them. "Just great."

"Your favourite person," said Mary, smiling at the extent of how much James Potter bothered Lily.

"Not a word," warned Lily. "James?"

"Yeah?" James said, indignant.

"What in the name of Merlin are you doing here?"

"We _do_ go to the same school," James said. "It's impossible to miss me."

"Because your ego takes up the majority of the spare room." Lily crossed her arms.

"Harsh words, Evans. Harsh words indeed." interjected Sirius. "Hey MacDonald," He winked.

"Hi Black."

Lily had no idea how those two managed to date –if you can call shagging in a broom cupboard a few times a week dating- and still call each other by their last name.

"What I meant was why are you on the_ last_ carriage? I saw you run off the train a good half hour ago."

"Checking me out, are we?" James raised his brow.

"You wish."

"How I do, Evans. How I do."

Lily frowned.

"Seriously though- " said Lily.

"No, Padfoot," silenced Remus, just as Sirius's face grew a smirk and opened his mouth.

"-how're you on this carriage?"

"Had to run some errands."

"You don't have any. You couldn't possibly have any." Lily said. "You're lazy and wealthy enough to pay anyone to do anything for you."

"Not true. We _all_ had errands to run."

Peter nodded, confirming James's tale. Or –rather- lie.

"We had to go to Hogsmeade village," Sirius chortled.

"We had to go to Honeydukes and Zonko's. Peter had a thing on layby that he needed to collect, didn't you Peter?" Remus added.

"Sure did, Lily," Peter said and thus the topic was disbanded.

There was a mild uncomfortable silence for a few moments, as these things usually go between the Marauders and Lily, typically with Mary by her side.

Armed with her wand, Lily drew out the novel she didn't quite finish on the train and began reading from where she left off. She quite often rested in a good book whenever things became mildly unbearable. It gave her terrible skills to cope with problems she faced in real life, but it was a haven in which she could escape whenever and wherever she fancied.

_….grabbing Sophie from the small of her back with his gentle hands, Jack drew her in so the lovers were almost able to hear the others heart beating rapidly between the little space between them and the few sheets of clothing._

_"We did it," Sophie whispered excitedly. "We really did it."_

_"And now we can rest, my love, in absolute perfection-"_

_"-until forever ends."_

_Then their lips met and, for a few minutes, nothing else mattered or even seemed to exist. Hot breath tickled Sophie's neck, Jack's own breathe vaporous against the cool and crisp night air._

_"I promise never to let you leave my sight," Sophie promised, her dark brown hair falling and rolling over her shoulders and filling the air with the scent of mint and roses._

_"I will love you regardless," Jack pulled Sophie closer in._

_And at that exact moment, those two love bound creatures were at bliss._

"Evans, you're crying," James pointed out.

"Am not," said a crimson Lily, brushing her hand against her cheek to inspect for tears. "Dammit. Shut it, Potter."

They were tears of happiness, she thinks. She hopes. It was more out of longing that she cried, even though her and Severus were never lovers, it seemed that they were able to be happy forever like Sophie and Jack.

Was it too much to ask to just want to have her old Sev back?

Lily honestly thought that was how it worked, you meet a guy, you fall in love and that's it. Nothing could be simpler.

She did not sign up for this other nonsense that came along with it all.

"Tissue?" offered Mary, presenting one to Lily.

"Thanks," she whispered.

The six teenagers were interrupted by Minerva McGonagall.

"Where on Earth have you been?" demanded McGonagall. "Miss Evans?"

McGonagall always turned to Lily, Remus or even Mary in situations like this, as if she couldn't trust any of the Marauders, apart from Remus, of course. Though, even Remus could sometimes be biased. Scratch that, he was biased to favour his friends most of the time.

Loyal, it could be called.

"Mary and I got held back at the train," Lily explained, patting Morphus absentmindedly. "Sorry, Professor."

"And you, Mr Lupin?" Her piercing eyes turned to Remus, who was known to be extremely bashful and hesitant in situations like this.

"Same as Lily and Mary," He said.

"Five house points will be taken off each of you, for being so careless, now get inside. You mustn't dawdle in these dark times." McGonagall shooed them all off the carriage. "I thought you could've all well of been dead," she muttered, though very much doubted whether anyone of the group heard.

**FEAST**

The sorting had already been long finished by the time Remus, Mary, Peter and Lily got to the large and imposing doors of the Great Hall. The air was warm and over flooded with the scent of roast lamb, gravy, pudding and an assortment of rich foods that were desperately longed for by the empty stomachs of the students. The quad took seats towards the back of the Gryffindor table to attract minimal attention to them- without the shelter of the ever confident Sirius and James, Remus and Peter felt vulnerable.

"…Let the feast begin," Dumbledore said in a clear and strong voice- it wasn't in the slightest condescending or pitiful. "I do recommend the mashed potato; it's rather sweet and buttery." Dumbledore added as he sat back down.

Dumbledore waved his hand, which created a ripple of highlights on his crimson robes, to a stranger that none of the students near Lily could recognise. He had a short black stubbly beard that was wildly unkempt to match his hair; this was topped off with dark grey eyes and a long nose that almost dipped into his wine when he took a drink from his goblet.

"New Defence teacher?" Remus asked into Lily's ear.

"Guess so." The man was now conversing with Dumbledore. His eyebrows were raised, surprised, perhaps.

"I know all about him!" gasped Mary.

Figures, thought Remus. Mary knows everything about everyone.

"Who is he?" asked Peter, eyeing off the new teacher.

"Marlene's dad," Mary said simply. "I saw him with Marlene when we went on holiday to Spain two years ago and I needed my school books so I went to this one shop- oh that doesn't matter- and they were there."

"How'd you know he wasn't her lover?" Lily tested as she filled her plate.

"She called him 'Dad'. Duh."

"I can't imagine Marlene would be happy about him being here," Remus said.

"I heard she slept with Scott Blakemore from Hufflepuff," Mary announced as if it were some scandalous thing, the Hufflepuff part.

"She's in seventh year, it's a wonder if she isn't having sex by that age, half of them are statistically," Remus said in between mouthfuls of steak.

"Where are James and Sirius?" asked Lily, suddenly noticing that they weren't at the table, or anywhere in the dining room, to be honest.

"Had stuff to do," Peter managed through a mouth full of gravy soaked potato.

"Errands to run," Remus said.

"Again?"

"Yep."

"Personally, Marlene's a bit of a snob." Mary wasn't listening to the other conversation Lily, Peter and Remus were having.

**MARAUDER'S MAP MENDING**

The Gryffindor common room was always at its best when it was like this. Empty. It was also at its prime when it was just after a round of school holidays, like this. It was completely deserted, in every single way; there was neither a hoot of an owl or the sound of a page being turned.

Coincidentally, it was a new leaf, a new year to start fresh. And boy did Sirius and James need that fresh start this year.

Between them, they had served almost two hundred detentions since their first week at Hogwarts where they had tripped Severus Snape up with a long piece of string that James and Sirius held at either end. Professor Slughorn caught them laughing themselves silly while Severus inspected his grazed knee, red, swollen and harsh looking. They were from there taken to Slughorn's office in the dungeons, where they were to come back after dinner that night to the same location to clean out the extensive collection of cauldrons he carried.

They couldn't feel their forearms for a week afterwards.

Despite that awful first brush with the consequences of trouble, detentions did not stop them one bit.

The little fear they already had of detentions was kindled again when teachers realized they would need to separate them in order to prevent them from talking and mucking about and defeating the whole point of detention in the first place.

That Christmas, however, Mr Potter sent his son the Potter's two-way mirror.

James and Sirius saw this newfound toy as a means of defeating the teachers - teachers unknown to the concept- straight in their own tracks. The small fire of fear that the boys had of detention had a large bucket of water thrown over it then and there.

Socially and (somehow, by some sort of miracle) despite their aversion to study, academically, they had excelled in every way and had gone from strength to strength since their first day five years ago on the first of September.

However, and as Mrs Potter had put it only a few days ago: 'James needs to realise that the universe does not revolve around himself and that if he wants anyone to take him seriously as a person he _has_ to deflate his head.'.

Naturally, and with such harsh words full of sting coming from his mother, James took this on board.

However, after being one sort of person for so long, it's hard to go and suddenly chameleon your appearance and become a better person.

Sirius, being James's brother in every single way apart from being closely biologically related, was trying to follow James's footsteps and unsurprisingly, neither of the two boys were having much luck with the fresh concept of 'being good'.

"Nice save with the errands bit back there with Evans," Sirius congratulated.

"Thanks, Pads. Merlin, what's wrong with it?" James groaned as he looked down from the sun bleached sofa at the Map, which was sitting on the table.

The Marauder's Map's depiction of the third floor was displaying flashes of bright and vivid colours every several seconds. It was also directly upside down, including the lettering. It was most annoying and bothersome to James and Sirius.

"I've got no idea," Sirius shook his head. "Have you tried Reparo?"

"Yep."

"Scourgify?"

"Yep."

"This is beyond us," Sirius sighed, deflated.

"We need Remus," James suggested- actually it wasn't even a suggestion, it was a plea.

"Yep."

"Should we just go get some food?" James queried.

"We can go to the kitchens. There's always better stuff there," Sirius decided.

Getting up from their seats sluggishly, James picked up the map, stuffed it into the inside of his jumper for safe keeping and they both departed the Common Room.

** TO THE CORRIDORS**

Mary did not feel like eating anymore. Sad news did that to some people. In some people, once they've heard some awful news, they'll stuff their mouths and stomachs full of whatever edible food they can find. Mary, however, whilst going through something as awful as her mother's murder, barely ate.

Lily, the saint that she is, came around to Mary's aunt's house most days to make sure Mary at least had the minimum daily dietary requirement each day. Aunt Julie worked long hours in a prestigious and snotty bank in the very heart of London, meaning she was away for the best part of each day. This therefore made it even harder for Julie to keep a proper eye on Mary.

Lily was good to her. It was hard, hard to keep on going on like this. Most days, since the murder, Mary just felt like falling into nothing. Most days she did do just that.

She walks in a haze, as if she is living in a small glass dome in which she is untouchable to the rest of the world. She stands hunched, as if she has aged fifty years in only a matter of weeks.

She does try though.

She brushes her hair each day, has a shower, and brushes her teeth. Appearance is all that matters now. She's always been rather pretty, not outstandingly gorgeous, but her tangles of blonde hair that spun around her round face and took the majority of her appearance and swallowed it whole. Her eyes could be a little sparkly in the right lighting, and she was in proportion, roughly.

She had no idea how anyone, especially Sirius, could've mistaken that for supermodel attractive.

Though - due to her lack of appetite, due to the account of misery being her three meals each day- she was hollowing out, starting with a concave stomach then slowly growing and spreading like a cancer to other parts of her body. She wore more and more layers of clothing to disguise this, though.

For instance, she was wearing at that moment, three tank tops and a thermal top under her school uniform to blend in.

The trick was to keep busy.

Keep busy and you'll make it through eventually.

"I've had enough of dinner. I'm going to go to bed." Mary said to Lily as she got up, leaving a barely touched plate.

The halls were so much quieter at night.

She needed to sleep. Sleep right now would be bliss.

"CRU- " said a voice from the dark. Mary couldn't recognise it and it had a gritty and somehow slimy ring to it.

Mary, almost instinctively, dragged out her wand and turned around to find the owner of the voice. "Percificus Totalus!"

She missed due to her shaking hand. Seeing it as her only chance to escape, she began to run.

"Stupefy!" he shouted.

Mary was thrown to the ground just as she was about to run up the flight of stairs. Her head knocked against the corner of the stair case as if she had lost complete control of her body for a moment. Reflexively, she dashed her palm to the site of the collision to assess the damage, she couldn't feel anything yet. That should be a good sign.

"Help!" she croaked in a strained voice. "HELP!"

The boy was hooded, and was virtually unrecognisable due to the cloak and mask he wore.

The figure raised his arm, his posture boastful and his cloak licking at his heels like flames.

He was ready to strike.


	2. Pomfrey And The Much Needed Safety

**Chapter Two**

**"Pomfrey And The Much Needed Safety" **

**RESCUE MISSION**

If there is one thing a Gryffindor can be relied upon, it's his or her ability to be brave in the face of the unknown. Some think of this act as idiocy. However, when you can thank a Gryffindor for your own life due to an act of this sort of idiocy your opinion is likely to change.

That's rather like the case of Mary MacDonald, though she only thought James Potter and Sirius Black were Gryffindor idiots and not Gryffindor as a whole, considering she was one herself. Rather good at school work, James and Sirius were, but so blatantly arrogant that it hurt.

So, naturally, once James and Sirius heard a cry for help coming from the neighbouring corridor they ran. They ran so fast both could hear their own heartbeat drumming like a rabbit in their ears. Armed with their wands they had drawn out moments after they heard the screams and in unison with their sprint to the damsel in distress, they had almost formed some sort of battle cry. Almost.

"HANG ON!" Sirius yelled, his breathing shallow and raspy from the running.

"SIRIUS?" Mary called back, if James or Sirius could have seen her at the point, they would have seen Mary thrown back onto the cold stone floor with a wand pointed to her face. With her eyebrows raised in confusion from the surprise of hearing Sirius's voice.

"MARY?" Sirius replied, equally confused.

Sliding from the lack of friction on the soles of their shoes, James and Sirius landed into the scene. Mary, who was trying to grope around for her strewn wand on the ground whilst keeping an eye on her attacker, caught sight of James and Sirius. There could have been tears in her eyes, but Mary would never have admitted to actually succumbing to crying to Sirius.

The attacker, catching a glimpse at what Mary had seen, fled the scene.

"Come back and fight you bastard!" James shouted to the every growing smaller silhouette.

"Don't bring him back!" Mary said in a hoarse voice.

"Accio moron! Accio… scum!" James said, pointing his wand at where the attacker was thought to be.

"Check the Map, James." Sirius said rather bluntly.

"Where are we?" James began unfolding the Map and muttering to himself under the charmed wand-light.

"Third floor," Mary supplied.

"You're freaking kidding me. Are you sure we're not on the fourth or second of eighteenth?" Sirius asked.

"There isn't an eighteenth floor. And of course I'm sure, over there's McGonagall's office." Mary rolled her eyes; trust Mary to be trying to act cool through something like this.

"Because being on a different floor would be too convenient," Sirius muttered darkly. "I'm assuming McGonagall doesn't happen to be in her office conveniently either?"

"Doubt it. She'll be at the Welcoming Feast still. And she would've heard the racket I made." Mary said, double checking her body for any damage.

" See anything James?"

"Nothing,"

"Are you sure?"

"Well, it's a bit hard in between the Map flashing pink and green at me _and_ it being upside down."

"What's that you're holding?" Mary asked, trying to sit up.

"Map of the school…. Sort of." Sirius explained. "We made it last year, Peter sat on it and now it's buggered."

"Seriously?" Mary asked.

"Well, yeah." Sirius said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm freezing."

"God dammit!" James huffed, interjecting. "Get back you scum!"

"It's not cold."

"Yes it is." Mary protested. "Well at least I am."

"It's not, we better get you to Promfrey." Sirius decided. "Did he do anything to you?"

"Stunned me, I think. I can't really remember. He was trying to do Unforgiveables… I think." Mary muttered, and frustrated that she could barely remember something that had only happened minutes before.

"James?" Sirius asked.

James was so focused on the Map that he jumped –quite literally- when Sirius talked to him.

"He's gone," James sighed. "that bastard."

"We need to take Mary to Madam Pomfrey." Sirius said.

"Right," James nodded. "can you walk?"

"What kind of question is that?" Mary snapped.

"The sort that you're meant to answer,"

"I'm not a cripple, of course I can walk." Mary stood.

"You look a little shaky on your feet," Sirius muttered.

"I swear I'm fi-" Mary stopped protesting, no doubt because Sirius had just put his arm around her waist to prevent her from falling. "Thanks."

Mary's cheeks flushed a vivid red under her freckles. Several short shot of electricity buzzed around in the pit of her stomach.

"Anytime,"

Then the trio walked away to the Hospital Wing, with Mary sandwiched between James and Sirius.

**APOLOGIES**

It was only when Mary told Lily that she was heading up to bed that Lily realised she only really had one friend. She realised this after Mary left and she suddenly felt too exposed for her own liking and she barely knew anything about the people she had lived and gone to school with for the past five years.

"Hello." said a sheepish voice from behind Lily.

Lily recognised its owner instantly. "Go _away_, Snape."

Severus sat down in the vacant seat that Mary had filled moments previously. "No. I refuse to."

"I've got nothing to say to you,"

"Well I've got plenty." Severus said, tucking a few oily stands of hair away from his face.

"Not interested."

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, Lily."

"I don't believe you in the slightest." Lily gritted her teeth.

"You know I'd never do anything to hurt you-"

"Liar."

"Please?"

"Go be with Mulciber,"

"As if I care about him! I lo- that doesn't matter." Severus said.

"I couldn't ever be friends with you when you're doing all that dark stuff with _those_ Slytherin's. Above that, I could never ever be friends with you again after you called me a You-Know-What."

"I'll never give up on you!"

"Don't waste your breath." Lily got up from her seat and briskly walked out of the Great Hall, into the quiet spaces where her head was fuming and swimming with thoughts of her only best friend.

She was tense, she was angry and she was upset. She was trying to convince herself that she didn't care about him at all. She tried to hate him. Though, considering she was fighting back sour tears as she fled from the Great Hall, Severus Snape still had some sort of effect over her.

She couldn't even call her cat by his own name without thinking of him.

Figuring that the best part of the day was over and that she should just head to her warm four poster bed as soon as possible, she headed up the dozens of flights of stairs to Gryffindor Tower.

She was almost literally fuming as she walked briskly up a few flights of stairs.

That was, until she came across Mary, James and Sirius.

The trio stopped her in her tracks along with whatever she was thinking about beforehand. Severus didn't matter to her as much as Mary did.

Mary's face was drained of any sort of colour, with her damp locks weaved into a mess at the nape of her neck. She was barely able to walk, but with each of her arms draped over Sirius and James's shoulders she was managing. She appeared to have aged ten years. She looked hollow, like a wax figure that someone had tried to craft only for it to go terribly wrong somewhere along the line. Her skin looked stretched across her face and almost completely translucent, with her freckles looking now black in comparison. Her eyes were distant, as if nothing going on before her eyes could interest her or was of any great importance. She was buckled over, but Sirius had seemed to have taken on the role of Mary's legs to prevent her from falling into a heap on the floor.

"Potter!" Lily strode up to them. "What the hell happened?" She snapped.

"Mary was attacked." James said, adjusting Mary so she didn't topple to the ground.

"You better hope you aren't responsible." Lily warned. "Otherwise your life won't be worth living."

"Why would I even do something like tha- never mind that." James shook his head.

"Where're you taking her?" Lily asked. "What're you doing with her?"

"Madam Promfrey." said Mary, looking up at Lily.

"Right." Lily registered that. "Need a hand?"

"Not particularly." Sirius said.

"Well, that's just too bad. Because either way I am not leaving Mary with you two."

And thus, three then became four.

**MENDING**

There was quite a commotion when they got to the Hospital Wing at last. You could even call it a wave of mass hysteria, if you so desire. A great chunk of this hysteria was coming from Madam Pomfrey herself, though she was mostly stunned when she first saw four teenagers walk into her hospital, one of whom wasn't even capable of walking independently.

Madam Pomfrey immediately stopped treating a Hufflepuff with his left leg bandaged and skited to Lily, James, Sirius and Mary.

"What's this?" Madam Pomfrey asked, scanning the teenagers as if this will make them cough up an explanation.

"Mary was attacked." Sirius said in a tone that suggested he could have been talking about anything but something as dark as that.

Madam Pomfrey went very pale. "Oh _Merlin_. Are you hurt? What happened?"

Mary shook her head.

"Well, you certainly don't look it. Come with me and I'll get you something to help with the- you three, go fetch Professor Dumbledore. And don't you dare go alone, who knows if the culprit is around or not. Be quick!"

Sirius, James and Lily quickly left the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey waved her wand muttering a few strands of words that Mary didn't catch- over Mary.

"Am I dying?" joked Mary, a smile creeping onto her face.

"You're far from that dear, it's just shock. You'll probably have some bruises, but I'll just do one thing at a time." Madam Pomfrey was now flapping about, running into the store cupboard to get extra blankets, only to groan at her own foolishness and then ducking back into the cupboard to get what appeared to be a flask of hot chocolate.

She wrapped Mary in the several woollen blankets she had dug out. She looked like a little blonde porcelain doll the way she was laying there, completely motionless.

She was dead quiet now, however that was not the case in her own head.

Though there were dozens of thoughts being collected simultaneously, they all satellited around the one phrase: _Why aren't I safe here anymore?_

**SAFETY**

"Should we take that secret route?" mouthed Sirius.

"Around Evans?" mimed James, pointing to Lily who was walking an easy ten paces ahead of the two boys.

Sirius nodded in agreement and shrugged slightly.

With every few moments passed, Lily became evermore agitated and edgy than she was before.

When they finally got to the entrance of Dumbledore's office, she was shaking slightly.

"Let us in!" Lily demanded to the carved gargoyle that guarded Dumbledore's office. "For God's sake, just let us in!"

"Password?" replied the gargoyle, indifferent to Lily's protests.

"Carnival," James said, rolling his eyes. "_honestly._"

"Very good." said the gargoyle. "You should listen to him more often, missy."

"Oh shut up." Lily muttered under her breath as she raced ahead of James and Sirius to get up the small flight of stairs.

"Miss Evans," Dumbledore sounded surprised. "and Mr Black and Mr Potter."

"Professor!" Lily was gasping for breath. "Madam Pomfrey wants you to come to the Hospital Wing right now! Mary's been attacked!"

"How long ago did this happen?" Dumbledore asked calmly, a complete opposite to Lily's panic.

Lily turned to James. After all, she had no idea _when_ this happened.

"Twenty minutes?" James guessed, scratching his head.

"Since we found her." Sirius added. "I'd say half an hour tops."

"Very good." Dumbledore nodded and headed out the door.

Lily finally exhaled after what seemed to be a millennia. Dumbledore was here and now everything would be fine. Hopefully.

The four followed Dumbledore, whose purple robes were highlighted by the torchlight and his heels clicking away as he waltzed with ease to the Hospital Wing.

"Do you know what happened?" Dumbledore asked.

"Not really," Lily admitted. "James?"

"Me and Padfoo- Sirius got to Mary after we heard some screaming. We got there and the guy ran off." James frowned.

"James tried to find him. Mary was pretty shaken up about it, so we took her to Madam Pomfrey." Sirius scratched his head as he racked his brains to remember more.

But what was there to say? Should he of mentioned how terrified Mary looked when he found her? How she looked so limp when she saw the attacked run off? Should he mention how she was barely able to form words? How her normally voluminous hair fell raggedly on her sweat dampened face and stuck to it like a bad smell to a pair of old sneakers?

Or should he even of mentioned how he never took his eyes off her until he was told to get Dumbledore? How he wanted to make her smile again?

No, he probably should not have mentioned that. Not at all.

No good would have come from it anyway.

"Well, you did the right thing." Dumbledore congratulated, making Sirius and James smile briefly.

"Thanks, Sir."

"Now what about poor Mary?" Dumbledore thought aloud, casting his eyes over the girl who lay almost encased in crocheted blankets. Donations made to the school, no doubt.

"It's just shock, Professor." Madam Pomfrey said. "She's pretty shaken over the incident. I best keep her here for the night, there's no point waking her now that's she's comfortable and asleep."

"Right you are, Poppy."

"Will you find the person responsible?" Lily asked.

"We can try." Dumbledore promised. "Now, you three better get up to bed. It is late after all. Must not be exhausted for the first day of classes tomorrow, I remember when Elena Wilson decided that she could take an Awakening Potion in order to never sleep again…" He chuckled.

They all nodded. Sirius, before beginning to walk about the door, brushed a few locks of Mary's flaxen hair away from her eyes.

"She hates it when it's in her peripheral vision." Sirius murmured, mostly to himself before joining James and Lily.

The three walked sombrely towards the Gryffindor Common Room, almost in a sort of slightly unsynchronized funeral march.

"James?" Lily asked, her voice a few notes higher than it usually was.

"Yeah?"

"How did you know what the password to Dumbledore's office was?"

"The amount of times Sirius and I've been sent there by a screeching McGonagall." James reminisced fondly. "It's second nature, like blinking."

"Blinking is an instinct. We can't help it." Lily said smugly, skipping every other step.

"Don't bicker with me Evans, I'm tired. I want sleep." James grumbled.

"I second that," Sirius chimed.

"It's only nine." Lily said.

"Well we've been up for almost twenty four hours, mind you." Sirius replied.

"What the hell were you doing that for?" Lily almost laughed. "Wait, don't tell me, I probably don't want to know."

"We had errands to run," James grinned, knowing it would only agitate Lily further.

"_What errands_?" Lily groaned.

Sleep sounded pretty darn fantastic right now to Sirius, James and Lily.

**Much thanks to my Beta, WitAngerAndBravery!**

**Send me a yell if you're confused.**


	3. Sneaking Around And The Outside World

**Chapter Three**

**Sneaking Around And Contact With The Outside World**

**Letters**

With absolutely no formal evidence, it's a given fact and conclusive that the first week back is the best week out of the whole working year. That is, excluding the last week of school and the weeks that contain holidays. The very first week holds a stamina that promises great, glittering and shiny things to come in the year ahead. That is mainly because nothing too shocking or disastrous has happened yet.

The first month, however, quickly degrades from the high standards the first week held.

The first three months test every single person's ability to cope with the mundane concept of school as a whole. Along with the side effects of living, namely relationships, be they of the friendly sort, romantic, or family kind.

The rest of the year quickly spirals down from that, into a pit of regret, shame, chaos and disaster.

So, naturally, it being the first week back at Hogwarts no one would be caught stuck in the Common Room on a Saturday when there's so many new things to do, so little homework set, and detentions to be had. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the sunshine, despite it being just after breakfast. If it was being any other weekend, all students would still be dozing in beds, sometimes someone else's.

Lily, however, seizing her chance to write in utter silence and peace, had occupied the Common Room in one of the desks by the window. From this place she gazed lazily out at the view of the Black Lake, which, at that moment, wasn't even that black after all, not with the beaming sun lightening the Scottish countryside and the water below. It made the lake look almost clear, not its usual opaque self.

_Hi Mum and Dad,_

She had written this sappy, pathetic excuse for a sentence ten minutes previously and was at a loss for words as to what else to write.

What could she even tell her parents about without them being concerned for her?

She most certainly couldn't tell them about her still not making amends with Severus despite their everlasting encouragement, she hadn't done anything spectacular yet and James was being as arrogant as ever. It was nothing new there. She also could not possibly tell them both of Mary being attacked, given that they knew how close Lily was to Mary and their own fears for their own daughter's safety. That, however, was new, and something her parents really shouldn't know.

It wasn't just that one of Lily's friends had been attacked, it was that Mary, a Muggleborn like Lily herself was attacked. Mr and Mrs Evans's were aware with the exponentially growing lack of safety for and prejudice against Muggleborn's in these sorts of times. They weren't thick and made sure to get the Daily Prophet delivered each day to their door to keep up with the world Lily was so tightly engulfed in.

They took great pride in their daughter, unlike Petunia, who avoided Lily with her "condition" as much as possible.

It was rather hard for Petunia, being the elder of the two, to live in Lily's shadow constantly.

"Wotcher, Evans." James made Lily jump in her seat.

"Don't do that!" Lily wriggled. "How many times have I told you _not_ to sneak up on me like that?"

"It's all a bit of a blur between 'fuck off James', 'Potter, you arrogant toe-rag' and the infamous quote 'I will hex you if you don't get your hands off me'." James shrugged, leaning over Lily's seat. "The latter _did_ result in a nasty Bat Bogey Hex, though."

"Fuck of James. And you deserved that! You had your hand on my bum!"

"There it is!" James smiled. "That smile… What's with you swearing all of the sudden? You never do that. It's something to do with morals, isn't it?"

"I'm frowning," Lily pointed. "Not smiling at all. And please, you don't even know what morals are." Lily thought for a moment then added "Fuck off." with a devious grin.

"You _were_ and you just did then. But I can make you smile with my witty humour along with a huge dose of my graceful charm and appearance." James teased, puffing out his chest slightly boastfully with a lopsided smile. If you weren't Lily you would even call it a charming one of that.

"What are you? Who actually says stuff like that?"

"I'm James Potter. And _I_say stuff like that. I had to develop a smart arse attitude to keep up with yours."

"I'm not a smart arse!" Lily said, clearly offended.

"Oh yes you are." James said, leaning in closer to Lily. "We're really alike, Lily. You just don't know it."

"You're vile," Lily clenched her jaw. "you bully anyone who is vulnerable in the slightest wa-"

James pressed his hand against Lily's rabbiting mouth, which quickly silenced her.

The newfound silence was soon broken by James's howls of withering pain.

"Ow! Merlin! Fuck! You didn't have to bite me!"

"Well you're bloody annoying." Lily was trying to stare at her almost blank piece of parchment and to ignore James.

"What if I liked that?"

"Liked what?"

"Being bitten?"

"Twat. Leave. _Now_." Lily warned, gritting through her teeth.

"Wow, you're really touchy today." Lily's plea for him to leave did not have any sort of reign over him whatsoever, however. "What're doing anyway?"

Lily eyes widened, as if she had just remembered what she was meant to be doing.

"I'm writing a letter to my mum and dad,"

"Unless you're parents are Orion and Walburga Black-"

"Who?"

"Sirius's folks. Unless you've got those guys as parents you shouldn't be getting this pissy over writing to them." James pointed.

"It's not writing to them, it's from speaking to you."

"That's harsh." James pretended to be offended by this claim. "Anyway, best be off. Places to go to, errands to run. And I doubt that I ever could possibly agitate you. Ever."

"What errands?" said a frustrated Lily. "You're full of bull."

"Plans to make, pies to bake…wait, I'm just rhyming now." James didn't hear Lily, apparently. "As the Spanish say en _un tiempo, el cocodrilo_."

"Just leave."

"Gryffindor Quidditch try-outs are Tuesday week. You should come." James suggested.

"I don't fly,"

"I know, I thought you would just want to see me on a broom." James grinned, then, like a small child running from his parents just after he had done something wrong, he sprinted out the door.

_We haven't been doing much this year at all yet._

Lily cringed at the thought of blatantly lying like this.

She began to scribble meaningless sentences now.

_Mary's been doing okay, well, as okay as you can be after your mum being murdered. Or just dead in general. I'm still not going to forgive Snape, just so you know. How's Petunia? Is she still with that guy that looks like a potato? Vernon? She can do a lot better than him; he's too regimented and proper. Don't tell her I said that._

_I miss you all a lot, and I already can't wait until the Christmas holidays._

_How're you feeling, Mum? Still sick?_

_I'm thinking of changing Morphus's name. I like it a lot less now in comparison to when Snape named him. Ted? Patch, maybe?_

_Lots of love,_

_Lily._

It wasn't much, but at least it was something.

She folded that letter into thirds and wrote the address on one side (Mum and Dad, Number Four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey) before cursing and kicking the table because she forgot to put the darn letter in an envelope.

Hobbling to the Owlery on her good foot, the one she _didn't_ kick the table with, she tied the envelope to the tawny owl that was on the small side. She stared at the owl flying south from the window until he was a small speck in the distance. A dot in a Van Gogh painting. She breathed a sigh of a relief from the mere thought of knowing she wouldn't be burdened with guilt from not writing to her family.

She wrote home only a handful of times last year, and she paid the price for it when she got home in June. Mrs Evans wouldn't stop talking about how she was 'worried sick' and how they 'had no idea what had happened to Lily'. Amusing, considering she was just at school. Her parents couldn't complain now, she had sent a letter in the first week back. Most of the students hadn't even thought of writing home yet. That's worth a round of applause or even a standing ovation, at _least_.

**Recovering**

She refused to leave. She honestly did. Mary MacDonald did not want to come back to Hogwarts this year. Mary MacDonald wanted to crawl onto the soft marshmallow dyed sofa at her aunt's and to snuggle into the armrest until she died. Even better, Mary wanted to travel back in time to the 3rd of August, the day her mum was murdered, and to take her and run. She would have run so fast, ran to Ireland or Germany, somewhere where they couldn't find her. 'They' being the Death Eaters, of course.

The Ministry wasn't able to find the murders, though it was sure that they were Death Eaters. Mary even saw their gaunt skeletal masks just before they apparated when she ran into the house to find her mother's corpse in the bathroom. And, of course, the shadowy Dark Mark encircling the house from the sky left enough evidence.

Though, despite her aversion to coming back to the heart of her magical world, Hogwarts, she knew that if she was going to be safe anywhere, it would be here.

That's why her refusal wasn't really a refusal, because it was a silent one. A sort of silent protest that hardly anyone is aware of. Defeats the point of having any protest when you think about it.

Now she wasn't so sure that she could be safe anywhere.

Somehow, she had dragged herself out of her bed, put on fresh clothes and headed to the library for the day. The library was quiet, and under the eye of Madam Pince, you could barely whisper, let alone be attacked. She was safe there. Hopefully, if she crossed her fingers. Even if it was boring as hell.

She would stay there until it was time for dinner, from where she would march down with the small crowd from the library to the Great Hall. If being alone is what caused her to be attacked, she would never be alone again.

It was a basic system, but nonetheless a safe one.

**Respect**

"Mr Black, what in God's name are you doing here?" asked Professor McGonagall, eyeing the sixteen year old as if he was doing something he shouldn't. She was probably right, based upon his past records.

"I'm just taking a stroll. You know, for a breath of fresh air, to clear out my lungs, to exterminate the sins of my past. You know, the usual weekend stuff, Professor." Sirius said jubilantly.

"If I hear that you've gotten up to anything, you know you will be serving at least a month worth of detentions." McGonagall warned.

"I know, I know. And you'll send a letter home, and then Walburga will yell at me from the highest point of that filthy place that I've 'dishonoured' my 'entire family again and this is the last straw, Sirius.'. She'll threaten to kick me out, I'll get my hopes up then three hours later she'll force a strained apology from me. I get the gist of it all." Sirius rattled off. He had gone through that scenario too many times.

"Sirius," Sirius knew he was in for it when _McGonagall_ of all people called him by his first name. Here we go, she was going to Mother him. Sirius braced himself and cringed for what was coming. "you have to acknowledge your parents' wishes for you. You don't have to agree with them, just at least respect them. It would make their job a whole lot easier."

Respect? Yeah, right.

"I'm afraid I can't do that when they don't accept me for who I am, Professor."

"Just try,"

"I will when they do," Sirius said darkly, and McGonagall didn't seem to quite know what Sirius was referring to. "See you around, Professor."

Sirius walked until he was around the corner and most certainly out of McGonagall's sight, then he ran. He ran until he was acquainted with the ancient wooden door and stone gargoyle that had guarded the Headmaster's office for nearly one thousand years.

"Passw-"

"Carnival. For fuck's sake just let me in." Sirius snarled. There was no time to even consider being patient in times like this.

With a creak the staircase leading to Dumbledore's office began to unfold, it slowly grew and grew from the preceding step in a manner that suggested that it was alive. Not in the sense that it had blood, a heartbeat or even a voice, but it seemed to have an attitude, a soul.

"Mr Black, what a surprise." Dumbledore said airily.

"This is crap. Have you even_tried_ to find who attacked Mary yet? It's been four bloody days." Sirius was in an uproar.

"We've tried." Dumbledore admitted.

"You've _tried_. Fantastic. Gold fucking star for you." Sirius was pacing, he could barely think. "There's a psychopath running about _attacking_students and you've _tried_ to catch them?"

"Sirius, please just sit down." Dumbledore's words were a suggestion, though his tone was an order.

"Not until you tell me what's going on!"

"Go ahead, I'll not say much until you calm down so we can talk about this as adults."

Sirius had never been talked to as an equal by any sort of authority figure before. This was strange, new and unfamiliar water to be in. He wasn't sure if he liked it. It fit like an itchy jumper sent from a distant great-aunt for Christmas.

After several moments of intense internal struggle, Sirius begrudgingly sat down on the deep violet velvet seat opposite to Dumbledore.

"Now, Sirius, we've tried. But since neither you, James or Mary saw their face or anything remotely identifiable, it's nearly impossible to find the culprit. We can try and interview every member of staff and every student, but with so many to interrogate, we wouldn't be able to find who is responsible. You must understand that. We are trying." Dumbledore spoke serenely.

"Well you have to find who did it; they can't get off scratch free after doing _that_ to Mary. That's bull shit." Sirius said.

"I know that, Sirius. We've told the faculty to be watchful of any suspicious behaviour and we're going to alert the students also." Dumbledore folded his hands together.

"What if it happens again? What will you do then?" Sirius's grey eyes avoided Dumbledore's electric blue gaze, he settled for staring at Dumbledore's large mahogany desk. He stared and dragged his eyes across the little patterns carved into the wood and the scratch marks made onto the surface by dozens and dozens of owners of the writing desk through the years.

"I really don't know, Mr Black. Time will tell." Dumbledore said.

"Sorry." Sirius muttered.

"That's quite alright, Sirius. Every person in the history of the universe had acted irrationally for those who they care deeply about."

Sirius made a coughing sort of noise.

"I was very surprised when you came in here instead of Mary herself. That's very unlike her character to do that." Dumbledore smiled.

Sirius suddenly had the feeling that Dumbledore knew a lot more than he should have. "She's a wreck, that's why. She doesn't go out by herself anymore, she locks herself up in her dorms, she's a mess. No help or concern from you though, no surprises there."

Dumbledore's face fell.

"I better leave, I've got stuff to do." Sirius shrugged and quickly left Dumbledore's office, accidentally knocking down several instruments used for star-gazing in the process.

**Four Days Ago**

After the much awaited sleep, Sirius was woken up half an hour after falling into unconsciousness by none other than James Potter.

"Sirius," James was prodding Sirius with his wand. "Padfoot, Paaaadfoot, Pad-"

"Go away." Sirius mumbled, refusing to open his eyes and pulling the duvet over his head to try and give James the hint to fuck off before he gets hexed.

"We didn't end up getting dinner." James said, knowing that this would make Sirius actually wake up if anything would.

"Seriously?" Sirius stirred. "Get your cloak and the Map then."

"Already done."

"We better be quick, I want more sleep." Sirius said.

James, aware that Sirius was too groggy and tired to be bothered to open his eyes, draped the cloak over them both and lead Padfoot to the kitchens. He did this with one eye on the Map to make sure they weren't going to go anywhere near Mrs Norris or Filch, and one eye on Sirius to make sure he didn't fall over from being too lazy to open his eyes.

"Sirius!" James said in a hushed voice. "Look at this! Dumbledore, McGonagall _and_Pomfrey!"

"Whatsit?" mumbled Sirius.

"Padfoot, look at the Map. Dumbledore, McGonagall and Pomfrey all in the Hospital Wing." James exclaimed.

Sirius blinked several times to try and wake himself up. "What're they doing there at this hour?"

"How do I know?" James gave Sirius a quizzical look. "We're going to check it out."

"Do we have to?" Sirius whined.

"Yes. Now come on!"

James and Sirius –still under James's invisibility cloak- pressed their ears against the door leading to the Hospital Wing.

"-Minerva, getting the Order involved will only cause more distress and havoc." Was that Dumbledore's voice?

"But if we just set them up to watch around the castle…"

"We can't take any chances of letting the Defence Squad become public yet, we simply haven't got the numbers for Voldemort," Ah, yes, that was definitely Dumbledore. No one else would have dared to speak that name. "to know that we're fighting against him yet."

"Defence Squad?" Sirius whispered, looking at James. He was clearly confused.

"Got no idea." James mouthed back.

"But if You-Know-Who knows we're fighting against him he might not be as arrogant! It might give us a bigger chance!"

"It won't, we haven't got the protection or a headquarters yet."

"So you're not going to do anything about this? About Mary?" That was a new voice, no doubt Madam Pomfrey.

"Not exactly. The faculty can keep a close watch over everything."

"It's late, we better get to sleep."

Sirius and James, seizing their–quite possibly- only chance, ran down as quickly and quietly as possible to the kitchens.

They were out of breath by the time they had finally got to the kitchens.

"What the ruddy hell was that about?" asked Sirius, heaving for breath. "_Lumos!"_

The rather large kitchen was suddenly illuminated by Sirius's wandlight. It rebounded off every surface, creating an eerie glow. It highlighted the crockery –charmed to wash itself- in the sink, the now icy ovens and four wooden tables. The pantry was to the right, though it was under lock and key by one of the grouchy house elves that didn't exactly appreciate the Marauders helping themselves to the kitchen in the middle of the night. Just like they were now.

Sirius was mildly surprised that the same grouchy house elf, Mog, wasn't in the room waiting for them. He guessed that he didn't expect them to break school rules on the first day back. How wrong Mog was.

"I have no idea, mate." replied James, who was still trying to regulate his breathing patterns and was now scanning the four long wooden tables (reflections of the ones in the Great Hall, one floor up) for any sort of food. With much luck, apparently.

"He's not going to do anything about Mary?" Sirius kicked the leg of the table closest to him.

"Sounded like it." James said.

"What do you reckon that Defence Squad thing was about?" Sirius asked, pacing.

"Not a clue." James admitted, shrugging. "You don't think Dumbledore's a spy?"

"A spy for who?" Sirius wasn't on the same page as James.

"Whom." James corrected, knowing that I would tick Sirius off. "And you know, for Voldemort."

"He said that the Defence Squad was working _against_ him. Not for him." Sirius laughed. "You're barmy."

James was no longer interested in anything Sirius had to say, he had found something.

"Ha! I found stuff!"

"What stuff?" Sirius balanced on his toes to get a better look.

"Pudding." James tossed a bowl of the pudding to Sirius, who caught in in both of his hands.

While James had been finding their dinner, Sirius had acquired two spoons. They both did this with such ease and with no communication whatsoever that it seemed to be a half-decade long routine.

"Let's go back up to the dorms to have this." Sirius said, whose pudding had already a few spoonfuls' missing. "I want sleep."

"Full moon Friday, right?" James asked, pulling the cloak back over himself and Sirius.

"Yep."

"Sweet." James dragged out the 'e' so that it almost had three syllables.

**Tell me if you not sure about anything, because there seems to be a lot going on at the moment.**


	4. Unwanted Reply And A Detention

**Chapter Four**

**Unwanted Reply and A Detention**

"You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not."  
― Jodi Picoult, _My Sister's Keeper_

**Breathing**

The same rather scrawny owl Lily had tied to a thin envelope and sent it away through the southern window in the Hogwarts Owlery had been reunited with her –rather clumsily- five days later. The owl threw itself across the Gryffindor table at breakfast on Thursday morning, spilling over Lily's cereal and Mary's tea in the process.

Lily, blushing from the heads that had turned to see what the fuss was about, quickly untied the letter from the bird's leg and began to unfold the parchment. The owl took off once more, no doubt to get some food for its own in the Owlery, leaving behind several feathers on the table, making the owl even more patchy than it ever was before.

"Sorry," Lily said to Mary, smiling a little sadly.

"You're fine." Mary reassured, who was even more uncomfortable at the sudden attention than Lily was.

_Dear Lily,_

She read.

_Petunia is still dating Vernon. They seem to be getting quite serious now, she says she loves him. Though, please stop calling him that, it would really hurt Tuney's feelings._

_I can't write much, we're all awfully busy!_

_If you haven't got much school work does it mean you'll come home for Christmas? We missed you last year._

_Keep Morphus's name, I doubt he'd respond to anything else._

_Love,_

_Dad._

Lily frowned. Mum was the one who _always_ wrote back to Lily, they would both read the letter Lily had sent, but she would be the one to always reply. Always. And where was the paragraph telling her to forgive Severus? There was always at least half a page dedicated to Lily forgiving him. Something was terribly wrong, not to mention the disappointing length of the letter.

Lily's heart filled with that lead-like guilt again, she hadn't gone home on the Hogwarts Express last year at Christmas with everyone else, or the year before that. She hadn't gone home for Christmas once since she'd been at Hogwarts. She always blamed it on being the quiet period where teachers didn't give much homework so she could start preparing for exams. The actual reason was that she stayed with Severus through the holidays, he never went home either. Why would he even want to go back to that place?

Because that's just what you did for people you care about. It's pretty simple when you think about it, really.

Lily didn't blame him, who would want to go back to a house full to the brim of arguments and domestic abuse?

Lily had always been a little naïve, or perhaps Severus never told her to the extent to how bad his home life was.

As she got older, she was clever enough to know his mother's limp had nothing to do with her training for a charity marathon and his scratches on his white arms had absolutely nothing to do with his cat. She should have told someone, a teacher, anyone. McGonagall would have done something, she would have told the Ministry and then everything could have been sorted out. Maybe the Ministry would have taken his dad away to some Muggle prison, his mum to a nice sunny and cheery hospital to fix her. Maybe if that happened Severus could have lived with Lily's family. He needed a family like that.

She could have done something, she should have.

She was too naïve, and by the time she had begun to realise what was really happening Severus was too far away from her to do anything about it, dabbling in the Dark Arts with all those Slytherins Lily so despised.

If she said something now Severus would only hate her more.

She couldn't help feeling sick at the thought of Severus being treated like that.

Lily wasn't sure whether the guilt was equally from not going home for Christmas or for letting her first friend down.

"Something wrong?" Mary asked, the dark circles under her bright blue eyes even more prominent than the day before.

Lily gulped, she hated bringing up her parents in front of Mary after the past Summer given that Mary's were halved and the remaining living deep in Europe. "Something's up at home. I think. Dad wrote and it sounds a bit funny."

"Your _dad_ wrote? Wow." Mary was surprised, she was aware at how little Mr Evans wrote to Lily through the school term.

"I know. That's what's weird." Lily said, taking another mouthful of now milk logged cereal.

"Hmmm…" Mary pondered absent minded and dipped another teaspoon of sugar into her now lukewarm tea. "Keep them safe, Lily, you keep them safe. Family is all we seem to have when everything else is exposed."

Lily smiled empathetically; she knew Mary was not herself at the moment. She checked her watch. "Shoot, class starts in ten minutes."

Mary, almost instinctively, grabbed onto Lily's hand. She did not want to be left alone, they both knew that. Mary didn't even shower anymore without knowing Lily was outside the door to make sure no one could hurt her, she trusted Lily with such a strange devotion never seen by Lily or Mary's eyes. It was desperate.

She needed to get better quickly. It wasn't as if she didn't want to or hadn't been trying.

Lily missed Mary, the old Mary. Mary's cheek and flirtatiousness had disappeared, not that Mary ever flirted with Lily, but she flirted with everyone else though. Her cheeky grin could fill a dreary room within a second, and her wit rivalled against Sirius's. Flirting and chatting had come naturally to Mary, like breathing. Now it seems Mary didn't want to breathe anymore.

"We better be quick, so we don't end up sitting near Potter." Lily said, grimacing at the thought.

**Plans**

"Sirius, we can't discuss this stuff _here_." Remus hushed, looking from left to right at the Great Hall, making sure no one at all could possibly hear.

"Why not?" Sirius shrugged. "We have codenames for everything and we've only got today to finish planning the full moo-"

"Don't say it!" Remus panicked, looking poorly than he had the week before. He always tried to eat a lot more around the full moon, he had to keep his energy up. Though, despite how much he ate the days preceding each full moon, he still managed to look just as aged and worn.

"Fine, fine. I just want tonight to be awesome." Sirius said, taking a bite of his toast after being defeated.

"Moony's right. We've been planning since before we even came back to school." James said, leaning in to be the centre of the talk.

"What if the plan doesn't work?" Peter asked, terrified at the thought.

"Peter, relax, it _will_ work." Sirius reassured.

"But what if we get caught?"

"We won't." James said.

"Can we please stop talking about it?" Remus said, his eyes –like Mary's- had dark purple circles under them, but this was merely a side effect from the fast approaching full moon.

"Yeah, sure." Sirius said, knowing how worried and paranoid Remus was getting from the ordeal. "Sorry, Moony."

Peter looked back and forth at his friends admiringly. James wasn't interested in that though, or anything else apart from studying Lily's frown as she chattered to Mary.

Then, Mary reflexively grasped Lily's hand and they began to walk.

James's ears almost prickled when he heard his name.

"…so we don't end up sitting near Potter." Lily muttered quietly, though James seemed to be able to hear from three seats down.

"Heard that, Evans!" James shouted.

"Ditto, Potter!" Lily yelled back, not even bothering to turn around before she left the Great Hall.

"Did she just mean that she heard me calling out just then?" James was beyond confused.

"Of course she did." Sirius said, clearly on edge. "But we really need to finalize and rehearse-"

Remus 'shushed' him. Sirius shut up immediately.

"Sorry, really, I am."

"I know, Padfoot. But we can't talk about it here and, besides, we've never made these many plans for… that thing before and it's turned out to be brilliant." Remus said rationally.

Sirius looked a little sour.

"Doesn't class start soon?" Peter asked.

"Well, yeah. Evans left a few minutes ago, which probably means they'll start in seven minutes." James rattled off, indifferent, as if this was something everyone had noticed over the years..

"Aren't you looking up what shampoo Evans uses, oh-now-professional-stalker?" Sirius smirked.

"Shut up." James stood up quickly. "I still need to get my books."

"You didn't get them before breakfast?" Asked the very organised Remus.

"Slept in," James shrugged.

"Oh, that's right, you already know that. You're now trying to find out what size shoe she wears and her timetable." Sirius said sarcastically, grinning at his own enormous wit. "Wait, no! You need to find her bra size before _any_ of the other stuff, my mistake. Good luck with that."

And James, followed by Sirius, Remus and Peter left the almost empty Great Hall.

"Are you already, Wormtail?" Remus asked to Peter as they passed the grand staircase.

"Uh-huh." Peter grinned. "Got it ready last night and everything!"

"Great, you can come with me to class while the others get their books and things." Remus said.

"Actually, I sort of needed to go with Prongs…"

"Right," Remus nodded, trying not to be hurt by that. "I'll see you guys there, then. I'll save you a seat!"

"We'll be there in five, Moony! Don't worry!" Sirius called, running up the stairs and looking behind him at Remus.

Remus smiled.

They got to Charms three minutes late.

Somehow, Remus was still smiling for the whole trip to the Charms room.

And he had no idea why, but shaking it off lightly, he thought that smiling was definitely something to be pleased and not upset about, so he took the strange happiness gladly.

**Notes**

If only they could all still fit under the invisibility cloak and be able to sneak into class. Maybe then they wouldn't get a detention.

Just maybe.

"Late again Mr Potter, Black and Mr Pettigrew? Such a shame to not be able to have a clean slate this early in the year…" Professor Flitwick tutted solemnly. "I'm truly sorry, but it's the only way you'll learn."

"It's Mess'rs." Sirius muttered, before almost getting hit by Remus for his comments. Luckily, Professor Flitwick didn't hear.

"Well, I'm sorry to say, but you will serve a detention for this." Flitwick sighed and walked back to his desk, propped up on several books so he was able to see past his desk though. "Come to my office after dinner tonight."

Sirius face dropped the most out, though everyone was severely disappointed. Sirius looked as if his cat had just met an all canine firing squad.

Bitterly, James, Sirius and Peter said down. Sirius was muttering something along the lines of the confusion of Professor Flitwick not being with the other house elves in the kitchens.

"Now, today we will be learning- and hopefully this time, perfecting- nonverbal spells." Professor Flitwick said, muting the chatter among the desks and chairs within a moment.

James rolled his eyes from the back of the room, he had apparently perfected non-verbal spells in the previous lesson, that, or he simply didn't care at all. Probably the latter, given his position. James was leaning back on his chair at such an angle Remus gripped onto the back of the wooden chair so he didn't fall like he had done in first year. Whilst doing so the eleven year old James had split his head, soaking his dark hair in the sticky blood that pumped from the gash. Needless to say he was concussed from the experience.

It wasn't a pleasant way to have ended a History of Magic lesson, though Professor Binns hardly noticed and had almost forgotten that his class of thirty was sitting there, much less that James was bleeding.

Remus considered putting a permanent sticking charm onto James and Sirius's chairs many times before, he knew better than that though.

"….and I know it may be difficult, but it is a useful thing to master, it can give you a split second advantage against your opponent in duelling." Flitwick rabbled, throwing his tiny and wrinkled arms into the air. "It may even save your life one day."

James quickly sat up, he kicked Sirius's chair, waking him up.

Lily raised her hand from the front row, quickly attracting Flitwick's attention. Flitwick nodded, giving her permission to speak.

"Professor, what if the person we're duelling is skilled in Legilimency?" Lily asked. "That wouldn't give us any sort of advantage in the long run."

Flitwick considered this for a moment, then said. "True, but, seeing as nonverbal spells is a topic that _will_ come up on your end of year exams, Mr Black," Sirius jumped into consciousness. "it's something you'll need to know. And, you can always find more about Legilimency in the library, or you can ask your new Defence teacher-"

"Professor McKinnon." Lily supplied.

"Of course," Professor Flitwick said in a bell like voice. "well, get into groups of two and practise _Lumos_ without speaking. No talking."

James's face spread into a smirk, his eyes burning.

"Did you hear that?" James whispered. "He said groups of two!"

"So?" Sirius said, barely audible. "We're always meant to be in partners for Charms."

"Yeah, but he said in groups of two, not what he usually says. He usually says go with the person next to you. Not in groups of two." James ran his fingers through his hair.

"So?" Sirius repeat half-heartedly, not really caring about anything James was talking about.

"This means we can _choose_. I'm partnering up with Evans." James announced, nodded, confirming his act and left the back row to join Lily, a little giddy with joy. Rather like a six year old going to the zoo for the first time.

He waltzed over in the now silent room and crouched down so James was eye level with his soon to be ginger partner. Hopefully.

_What do you want?_ Lily scrawled onto a spare piece of parchment and shoved it under James's nose. _Why're you so smug?_

James swiped Lily's quill from her hand and began to write. _Because I want to be your partner. So I will. Ta-da!_

Lily frowned. _I'm with Mary. Go find Black or someone else to assault._

James's turned around to look at Sirius. He was already partnered up with Remus and about to kick a hole in the wall from his lack of ability to perform the _Lumos_ charm.

_He's with Moony. Not assaulting, I assume. And I wouldn't assault anyone anyway. It's not assault if they like it._

_Who's Moony? And it's assault._

_Remus. And it's not._

_Oh._

_So, that means I have to be your partner._ James grinned. _ I won't assault you, unless you want to me, which you probably do. Though, it wouldn't be assault, because you WANT it. It would be nice, casual sex._

_No! Leave me alone._

_Never._

"Go away, Potter!" Lily grumbled. Her voice was slightly raised, but only slightly, however, in a silent classroom, her voice was shattered glass and echoed against every surface.

Flitwick raised his head from above the stacks of books. "Miss Evans, I think you'll be spending detention with Mr Potter also."

Waiting until Professor Flitwick had bobbed his head back down, Lily sharply jabbed James with her wand in the side of his stomach.

Howling in pain, silently, James hobbled back to his seat. He sat there for the rest of the lesson, trying to lean back on his chair as far as he could.

**Sneaking Out**

"I hate James Potter with the passion of one thousand –no, ten million- burning suns. He's a prick." Lily ranted when she had left Charms class, half an hour later.

"I know. You practically told everyone in Charms." Mary said, not really focusing on anything that was happening, her hand was still firmly grasped to Lily's.

"I can't help it!" Lily said defensively.

"You don't want to help it, you love fighting with him." Mary said.

"I do not."

"You do so, every time you see him you leap to talk to him. I'm not as daft as I look, I do notice things."

"I don't." Lily said sharply.

Mary rolled her eyes.

"I can't _believe_ Professor Flitwick gave me a detention!" Lily exclaimed.

This was the structure of the rest of the day for Lily and Mary. Lily would mutter distastefully about 'that James Potter prick' and Mary would merely nod, smirking slightly.

After dinner, however Lily ate hastily, wanting to finish tea quickly so she could get that dreaded detention out of the way.

"Will you be okay while I'm in detention?" Lily asked quietly to Mary once she had finished her roast lamb. She made sure no one near was able to hear or was preoccupied.

Mary rolled her eyes. "I'm not a baby, Lily, I don't need you to be with me every waking second."

Lily gave a forced small smile. She very much though that Mary was lying. "Are you sure? Do you want me to walk you to Gryffindor Tower first?"

"Lily, _honestly_, you're being a twat! I'll be fine. I can walk myself to the dorms!" Mary insisted a little hysterically.

"But last time-"

"Last time? It doesn't matter. I'm going to go up with someone else. Jo, or someone. Or even Remus. He's not meant to be in detention tonight, is he?"

"Shoot, Remus. I'm meant to be patrolling with him at nine!" Lily slammed her palm against her forehead.

"Nice one," Mary muttered, taking a sip of her pumpkin juice to disguise her laughter. "really smooth."

"Shoot, shoot, shoot. I'll have to apologise." Lily said. "I'll have to find him before I go, have you seen him?"

Mary shrugged. "Not since lunch."

Lily's eyebrows furrowed. "I'll have to tell McGonagall then, and now I'll be late or detention…" She groaned.

Mary laughed as Lily flew up to the teachers table.

"Professor! Professor!" Lily cried, she was clearly in a fluster. "I'm so sorry! I can't take my patrol tonight, I've got detention."

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips into an almost invisible line.

"And I don't know where Remus is, but you'll have to tell him I won't be able to come tonight. I'll take a double shift tomorrow to make up for it."

"Mr Lupin has had to take a train home." Professor McGonagall said. "His mother is ill again."

"Oh… _Oh._ Well, the Ravenclaw's will have to do tonight then…" Lily mumbled.

"You got detention in Charms?" Professor McGonagall asked sternly. Lily was unsure of how she knew this, until it hit her that Profesor Flitwick would have told her, being Head of Gryffindor. "I thought we just talked about how you loved that subject and how you needed it. Or was a mistaken?"

"It was nothing to do with Charms, well, it was, but not really." Lily grumbled darkly. "It was James Potter, I ended up yelling at him when we were doing non-verbal spells…"

Embarrassed, Lily apologised once more to McGonagall and ran out of the Great Hall. And she ran the whole way to Professor Flitwick's office, her heart rabbiting on as she sped to get to detention on time.

She had no idea why she was so intent on arriving to detention, after all, it's not a thing to be enjoyed or to look forward to.

Lily burst through the door, her hand at her ribs to apply pressure to a stitch. Several rushed and shallow breathed apologies flew from her mouth.

"That's quite fine. You can join the others by removing graffiti from the school desks." Professor Flitwick chirped. Since all the convicts were now in prison, Flitwick bustled out of the door, telling the four that he'll be back in an hours' time.

Professor Flitwick was a silly, foolish man to leave seventy five precent of the Marauders unattended, even with Lily's supervision.

Lily, keeping to herself and not wanting to associate with James on the account of Mary's predictions, made her way to the back of the classroom, where she began to scrub the ink marks off the desks with the cleaning equipment on Flitwick's desk.

She saw a rough sketched crescent shape. It was barely visible and scribbled onto one of the legs of the desk, and it was only because Lily was half cleaning and half hiding from James that she even noticed it. Decidedly, it was a moon, probably.

Next to it, she saw scribbled in a rough hand '_Mess'rs Padfoot and Moony_'

Closely followed by this by several would be lines later was 'and_ Mess'r Prongs and Mess'r Wormtail.'_.

She couldn't help herself. "James!" She called. "Was this your doing?"

She bobbed her head up, only to find James and herself the only ones in the classroom and even James was heading out of the door.

"If it's a child, God no." James said, who had jumped from his name being called from what appeared to be just a desk, until he remembered that Lily, too, was in the room.

"Of course, I found a child here. He says you're his father and you need to pay welfare. Lots of it." Lily rolled her eyes. "Just get over here."

"What's welfare?" James asked curiously as he walked.

"Muggle thing, never mind that." Lily shook her head. "Where's Black and Pettigrew?"

"Wormtail hit himself in the nose with a blackboard eraser. It's pretty banged up, we were about to go to Pomfrey for it." James explained hurriedly.

"I didn't hear anything." Lily pressed.

"That's because you're incredibly thick and you were thinking about me too much to focus on anything that's happening." James teased, trying to see what Lily was talking about.

"I'm not daft, and I would only be fantasizing about the day you get one too many detentions and the board expels you." Lily snapped.

"At least your fantasizing about me one way or another…" James winked. "And Dumbledore would never let that happen, without my charm and charisma here the school would fall into a disgusting corpse of what it once was."

"I'd like to see that happen," Lily muttered.

"What am I meant to be looking at here?" James asked, trying to take the conversation back onto its track. It was hard to see, given that the only source of light came from several candles, that and it was hard for James to concentrate on anything really with Lily around.

"This," She pointed to the dark scribbles on the wood.

"Oh… _that._ I've not a clue." James shrugged.

"But it's your usual seat! And it's those weird nicknames your lot's got for each other!" Lily cried.

"No…" James said slowly. "I sit there," he pointed to the seat to the left. "Sirius sits here."

Lily huffed. She didn't like to be proved wrong by anyone, let alone James Potter.

"Regardless you need to tell him to stop vandalising property that isn't his."

"I will, sure." James nodded. "I should really go see if Peter's okay…"

Lily bit down on her lip. "I just need one more thing…"

"And what's that?"

"I want to have wild, steamy hot sex with you right now. I want you, I need you right now." Lily toyed.

James's eyes widened. "Really?" He stammered.

Why was he questioning this?! A beautiful, gorgeous girl –Lily Evans, the girl he had fancied since he first saw her on the train in their first year- wanted to shag him. No one –okay, no one that was a guy- in the right mind would reject that or even question that.

"Yes, isn't it obvious?" Well, why hadn't she made an actual, physical move yet? Then, she couldn't contain herself any longer and…. she burst out in a fit of hysterical laughter. "God no! Never! I was seeing how long I could go along with that one for. Go on, go find Peter."

James didn't speak for a few seconds. "Yeah…" He scratched his head theatrically. "Well, I better go find him. Because of the _errands_."

And, after committing that delicious revenge, he ran from the room, leaving Lily quite alone.

**This is just a quick note to let everyone who is reading this know that I am moving to Archive of Our Own (AKA, AO3) and hence, every fanfic update will be on that site.**

**The link is in my profile.**


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